theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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