How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
