Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
