Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
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