i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
it's great music for shaving your balls
cat food counts as protein by the way
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
