Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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