I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
