The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
