Fuck appropriateness.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
