i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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