In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Randomize
