thus making me awesome and them whores
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
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