matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
