You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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