He passed out mid-signature
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
