I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
ugly people sure do ruin things
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Randomize
