Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
pray to the hookup gods
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
