Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i think my tv is drunk
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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