Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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