Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
