I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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