mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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