I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
