So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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