You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
