I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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