Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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