May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Randomize
