i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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