I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
