My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
