wrigley field is MILF paradise
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
