I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
