If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
