the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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