So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
