just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon�
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
