your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
