So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Did I show you my penis last night?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
