I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
