i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Randomize
