you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
