trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
