well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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