he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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