Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
Four minutes until I can fart!
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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