He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
