The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
