Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
