i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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