I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
