fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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