I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
